The latest issue of the Magpie Tales
Agnes Ashburn was prone to fits, long periods of seclusion and tremors It could all be attributed to her rare but acute case of Pomaneapolitania. This recently documented disorder was the combined trauma of a phobic reaction to Pomeranians and Neapolitan ice cream.
It was not until an article about her condition was published in the Evening Courier by her therapist (who changed her name to Clarissa) that hundreds of other women and a few dozen men wrote the paper to reveal that they too suffered from the same condition but had lived for years in secrecy. It soon appeared that at least a third of the population of Lowell, Massachusetts, was dealing with these episodes, all of them dealing with them in hiding.
Few could have predicted that the Pomaneapolitania support group at the Carver Heights Library would attract a standing room only crowd. Soon group therapy and Pomaneapolitania Recovery Weekend retreats were attracting people from as far away as Auckland and Hue. A common vision of those suffering from the ailment was of a pack of Pomeranians eating ice cream from stemmed crystal goblets and then rabidly attacking cities with a ravenous hunger for human flesh.
As Lowell emerged as the mecca of Pomaneapolitania support, Agnes emerged as the disorder’s poster child until the attention seemed to cause her a distorted sense of self worth. Was she the voice of the condition? It was through her interview on CNN that she put forward a concept that challenged the therapeutic industry emerging in Lowell. “The most important thing for those of us dealing with this issue is to come to terms with the fact that we will never recover. However, we can manage it just as one manages living with diabetes or heart disease. But it is something we will take with us to the grave.”
Reaction to her statement was fierce from the psychiatric professionals, and Agnes would relocate to Sedona where she would adopt five pug dogs whom she fed orange sherbet in pewter bowls each evening at precisely 7:18 p,m. This was central to her management of her Pomaneapolitania.